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Posted by / 23-Nov-2014 02:36

And so began an intense period of research and debate, factoring in everything from weather patterns, average temperatures, and how effective and quickly their department of transportation clears highways, to interviews with locals and the historical success rates of their winter-season sports teams. Snow hats look cool until you have to take them off indoors and then your hair looks shitty. As two people who grew up in the Midwest and New England, Matt and I have both experienced the personal hell that is winter’s awkwardly long, frigid embrace, but we had yet to figure out which, amongst all of the 50 states, could hold up the title as the state with the worst winter.Also, when I briefly lived in Dallas during my youth, it once snowed 4in and I didn’t have school for THREE DAYS and people were talking about killing their horses and sleeping inside of them Tauntaun style.

But most of Arizona offers up that dry desert day heat (it was 88 in Phoenix last week) that is good for arthritis and any lingering guilt about leaving their first wives to deal with their delinquent teenage kids back in Indian Hill.

Seeing how it’s mostly a humid subtropical state filled with the type of people who unironically adorn their cars with statement bumper stickers and don’t blink for long periods of time, Florida’s winters tend to be mild, as if actively trying not to make any sudden moves lest their population get nervous and start throwing alligators.

Did you know that New Mexico is basically Colorado?

We’ll just be over here looking cool as hell in our winter hats.

Aloha means hello, goodbye, and “who cares about pro sports teams when the average temperature during the winter is 81 and we’re all over here eating malasadas and making fun of you stupid cold haoles.” It IS kinda windy though?

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However, it is NOT protected from packs of bros descending on it for Super Bowl weekend (Chad only gets married once, right guys?!